Hey all,

So after a bad last few months things are FINALLY looking up for me.  I have a job! Thats right FINALLY I got one.  Not just any job but one that I really wanted I start next week and I am soooooo exicted about it I can't wait to start.  On yet another positive note my mum has loaned me the money to get all that I own back from Australia which I will be forever grateful to her for.  I have a generally more positive outlook on life at the moment.

Of course all of my lovely friends help too.  I feel like without my lovely friends I wouldn't be as happy as I am now.  Although recently I did have some sadness a childhood friend of mine past away.  It was hard for me not only because she was such an amazing person but also because she was the exact same age as me and thats never easy to take.  But I can only look forward.  I cried for her and her family now I need to focus on the positive.  That is not something I ever thought I would write!

I am trying not to let  sadness or negative thoughts come into my head and over take me anymore.  I've had enough of that in my past and its time to say goodbye to them and move on.  Typing that out fills me with a huge sigh of relief I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I wish I had done it sooner!

Xo Music Chicka

Question to anyone bothering to read this.  Should there be or is there an age limit on friendship? What I mean is should people of a certain age not be friends with people who are alot younger then them? This came up in a converstation with a friend recently.  In fact I was the one who brought it up.

Is it wrong of me to have friends younger then me? Some of whom are still in High School.  The youngest of these friends is only fourteen.  I am nearly twenty four which makes me ten years older then her.  I know thats a huge age gap when you really think about it.  But should I let this be an issue for me?

Then there is the whole seperate issue of online friends.  Is it wrong that I have so many (at least ten).  Its not that I'm scared of the outside world I go out when I feel like it and I do have friends outside of my online world.  I have connected with these people online for various reasons and they always eem to be there for me when no one else is.  Yet my mum says I shouldn't have so many online friends.  She makes fun of me for it infact.

To be honest I find it alot easier to talk to my online friends then alot of my "Real" friends.  I am not sure how I feel about it anymore.  I love my online friends alot one of them is my best friend.  Is that wrong? I don't appreciate being made fun of for it.  I love my online world and my real world.  Any thoughts?

Music Chika
Still confused

Ok so I am opening up my head and my heart for everyone else to see.  What I am about to explore about myself is something I have often thought about but never had the courage to talk about.  So for some reason I have chosen to spill my guts online.  I'm confused...about my sexual preferance.  Don't get me wrong I like guys I mean I REALLY like guys I have only ever had boyfriends.  But sometimes I do find other woman attractive.

I know there is nothing wrong with that don't get me wrong thats not what I am trying to say.  All I am saying is this puts me in a true state of confusion.  I have often been told by other people that there is on such thing as bi-sexual (a person who likes both men and woman) But surely there must be? Often times thats what I feel I am.  But then I run and hide scared of what addmitting it to myself and anyone else might do.

I sometimes wonder if I would be better off just being with woman.  I mean the reason I have thought about this is that I've met some amazing woman over the course of my life who posses everything I look for in a guy! It sounds crazy but its true.

So before I get overly into depth about something so important I have to say that I have no admitted to myself and to a few friends that yes I am bi.  The only sad thing is that one of them has alreadly shut me out.  But I have to say I now have even more respect for the three friends who have accepted what I have to say so far *Ally, Tabby and Amber thank you your acceptance of who I am means more to me then you know*

Xo Music Chicka

Hello,
Yet another random blog type thingy from me.  Wasn't sure what else to call it really.  Lately it seems like my own life is going downhill and I am getting the strangest feeling that its going to get better before it gets worse.  The bills seeming to  be dronwning me at the moment and I am not sure how to stop that from happening.

I feel as if I have dug myself this huge hole, jumped in it and now I can't get out.  Then there is the issue of not being able to find a damn job.  Thats the major issue for me at the moment.  How am I supposed to pay the bills I have if I don't have money.  Even easter is hard because of this I can't really afford to buy anything for anyone.  Forget birthdays its just a big pain in the butt.

Is money the most important thing? No I don't think so far from it but without it I drown in debut so that makes no logical sense to me at all.  So sadly instead of my main focus at the moment being what I want it to be my music its all on finding a job and having money.  The sad truth is that I have to have it that way at the moment I don't have much of a choice.

In conclusion money = annoying


Xo Music Chicka

What is a friend? Its a question I have been asking myself alot lately.  I had this situation yesturday that really annoyed the crap out of me and now I need to vent so what better place then my LJ.  So I have this friend, supposed to be my "best friend".  We arranged to meet at the ferry wharf yesturday to hang out and catch a movie.  

I have been living overseas in Australia recently and I haven't seen her in a long time.  So anyway I was really exicted to see her again.  So we arranged to meet at 12pm.  Given I was about ten minutes late (stupid public transport!) But I waited 2 AND A HALF HOURS and she NEVER TURNED UP!.  What am I supposed to make of that? What kind of "best friend" does that?

So now I haven't been able to get hold of her and I'm not sure what the hell to do.  I sat there watching the ferries going in and out wondering what I had done that would make her do this to me.  So I started thinking what is a friend? Which brings me to this entry.

Is there some kind of criteria someone has to fit before you call them a friend? If so what is it? That is just something I don't understand. I always thought a friend was some one I got along with really well and over time had grown to love them.  I mean isn't that what friendship is about? Having a connection with someone.

These days I mostly feel like a loner.  Most of my friends I speak to online (I have meet alot of them or went to school with them).  But even the ones I haven't met I love them like they are a part of my extended family.  But sometimes I wonder am I giving too much of my self to these online friendships? Do these people care about me back? I am pretty sure some of them do.  It may seem lame having so many online friends but to be honest I dont give a crap about what other people think about that.

Some of my online friends know more about me then any of the people I went to school with.  Why? I hear you ask.  Problay because I wasn't exactly popular at school I got teased alot.  My online friends don't judge me they just listen and I listen to them its a beautiful thing.  I am friends with each of them for different reasons but I love them all.

Well I think that is enough of a rant for now.  But I don't think I will ever really understand what the true meaning of a "friend" is.

Xo Music Chicka

Well not much to say really other then welcome to my Journal. It is mostly going to be a place for me to share my thoughts, poems, songs etc with all my friends.

I tend to speak my mind. I'm sorry if you don't like it but then why are you reading it! Seriously. My first entry is coming soon!

Xo Music Chicka